


Do You Taste Old Shame When You Lick My Wounds

by nevillesIongbottom



Series: Petals For Armor. ー ❪ the Twilight Saga au ❫ [2]
Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Marriage, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fluff, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inspired by Music, Maria Is Not A Villain, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Past Underage, Pre-Canon, Pre-Twilight, Soulmates, Southern Vampire Wars, fast burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29849301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevillesIongbottom/pseuds/nevillesIongbottom
Summary: Catherine Cullen finds a sanctuary in a barn with a vampire army. Her creator is dead, she is free, she owes Maria an everlasting debt for saving her, and Jasper Whitlock evokes a strange feeling within her.
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Original Female Character(s), Jasper Hale/Maria, Jasper Hale/Original Female Character(s), Maria/Original Female Character(s), Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Characters(s)
Series: Petals For Armor. ー ❪ the Twilight Saga au ❫ [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2176860
Kudos: 2





	Do You Taste Old Shame When You Lick My Wounds

****

**DO YOU TASTE OLD SHAME WHEN YOU LICK MY WOUNDS** **_?_ **

**_ooo._** Catherine Cullen & Jasper Whitlock _**circa.**_ 1897

* * *

* * *

" **GOOD EVENIN' MA'AM** . . . you know the stars are bright tonight," Jasper Whitlock says as he climbs onto the hayloft, he addresses the newest addition to their army with a soft voice. The window to the hayloft is closed, the young woman he talks to sits in the dark almost buried in the hay. She was unlike most of the other members, she wasn't a newborn, in fact she was older than Jasper.

She arrived three nights ago, being tailed by another vampire who is now dead. She sought sanctuary in their barn, asking them to free her from her creator. Jasper had been surprised when Maria readily agreed, she had Jasper and Beau dispose of the creator. Jasper wasn't so keen on the idea of killing the creator as he was once a member of the Volturi and although it seemed that he hadn't been a part of that coven for a century or so, Jasper worried that the Volturi would seek revenge for his death. But, Maria had insisted that the creator had to go, for some reason Maria had taken quite a shine to the woman and that was before learning of her grandiose ability.

The young woman, who introduced herself as Catherine, unnerved Jasper Whitlock. He felt a strange pull towards her even though he didn't know her. She had the ability to alter reality to her will, what she says goes, her creator had been a shield which is why she was unable to will him to leave her alone and she had no idea of the physical strength. In fact she scarcely had any idea about what vampires were capable of, it was odd to say the least. Jasper didn't trust her but he wanted to protect her, it was a feeling he had never felt before. He worries that she might have willed them to protect her but he couldn't tell for sure. The only reason he had yet to say anything is because Catherine wasn't doing anything to harm Maria or the cause she worked for, in fact she was trying hard to help but Catherine was not a fighter.

Catherine looks up at him, her concern and fear melting away into confusion and awe. At least he wasn't the only one who felt that way in her strange presence. Her tense posture softens and she whispers "Are they, I haven't looked tonight, sir."

Jasper crinkles his nose at the title.

She raises a pale, thick eyebrow "You call me ma'am."

"I do it out of respect, you do it out of fear," Jasper retorts and she purses her lips, shoulders growing tense again.

"There's nothing to fear here," Jasper adds gently as he walks over to the big window. He opens it as slowly as he can manage, anything too fast seems to make Catherine jump.

"I can't fight, two newborns took my arm off twice today, I'm useless," She whimpers as she looks at her hands, they're trembling. She had so many human mannerisms that it only made Jasper's urge to protect her stronger.

"You're not useless, you're more powerful than anyone here," Jasper disagrees, "You told us what you can do, you can do anythin'. Catherine, you can make anyone do whatever you please."

She shakes her head "It only works on weak minds that's why I could never make him stop."

"Is . . . Is that what he told you," Jasper wonders, walking back over to her, it was odd to move so slowly, it was hard almost but he didn't want to scare her.

Catherine nods "He said that why it didn't work on him but it worked on that kid and those people I killed. That's why I was able to kill Marcellus because he was weak, he was as weak as he made me feel but not everyone is weak, Aris wasn't weak."

"He was a shield . . . Do you know what that means?"

"Well, I know that a shield is what is used in sword fighting but . . . what does — what does it mean for vampires?"

"He could block gifts used against him, a shield is hard to trace as a gift. The reason you couldn't stop him has nothing to do with your gift being weak, it's not weak, he was. He never told you what he could do, he kept that from you to hold power over you."

"Are you a shield," Catherine wonders, eyeing Jasper up and down, perhaps that could explain why he made her feel the way the way he did. It was similar to the way she felt when she first met Aristide.

Jasper shakes his head, his shaggy honey blond hair swaying from side to side, he kneels in front of her and she moves away from them. This felt all too familiar to her, she slips back into the hay, her hair almost blending right in with it but Jasper doesn't move closer. He keeps still and he replies "No, I'm not a shield . . . I can feel emotions and I can even manipulate them to a point. Maria has told me that you can grow your abilities, at first I couldn't handle my gift at all. Even if your gift isn't the best, it can always grow, it has a long time to do that."

"So . . . It's you . . . You're the one who is making me feel this way," Catherine says and she reckons that are worse things that he could make her feel but she doesn't like the fact that he is playing with her emotions like that.

He shakes his head again, she watches his honey gold crown of curls sway side to side again. This time he brushes his scarred hand through them, taking his bangs out of his angular face "No, that . . . That's not me . . . I don't know what that is but I think I feel it too."

Catherine blinks, another human mannerism that catches Jasper off guard, she stares at him blankly "You think, you cannot read your own emotions?"

"No, most of the gifted cannot use their gifts on themselves."

"I can," Catherine says quietly, "Is that . . . is that not normal?"

"It's interesting . . . Your gift has a lot of potential, you could probably turn yourself into a shield . . . If you think about it, you could make me think that I can't read your emotions and you could do that with anyone who has a gift."

Catherine leans forward, why would he tell her something like that, she raises an eyebrow at him, what was he playing at?

"If you don't want me to I won't manipulate your emotions, not that I have before," Jasper says, "But if you feel safer, I suppose you could do that if it works . . . You should be exercising your powers anyway, Maria would want that."

She moves closer towards him, she feels safe with him, she feels almost, well, she doesn't know how to describe what she's feeling. Catherine has only felt this feeling once before, it comes had in hand with the feeling of safety. When she hovered over Pastor Cullen's broken body, his limbs bent at an odd angle because of her, because she could finally protect herself from Marcellus Cullen the man who made her life a living hell. The pastor who haunted her every waking moment and her nightmares growing up, had finally been at her mercy and she felt safe for the first time in her life, she didn't feel weak anymore. Jasper Whitlock made her feel not weak and she quite liked that.

"You make me feel . . ." She trails off, not sure how to word it but she felt the urge to tell him how she felt although perhaps that would be useless. He probably already knows how she feels.

"I'm not manipulation' your emotions," Jasper says, he sits down on the floor, the hay around them rustles loudly and the floor creaks.

"No, I know but you make me feel . . . I'm not sure but I like it."

"You feel confident, powerful, you're content so you must feel safe."

Catherine licks her lips, powerful? How could she feel something she wasn't?

Jasper watches the action with keen interest, such a delicate action for such a powerful woman. It was unnerving to watch her act so delicately when she could have this entire barn on their knees with a single sentence, she really didn't know her own strength. Catherine could take Jasper out with hardly two words, she was much more powerful than him or Maria and yet he still wanted to protect her. He needed to make sure no one like her creator got their hands on her again. He wanted to be her protector even if he was unneeded.

"I've felt a pull like this before with Aris, it was different . . . I thought he was the devil or a demon but I couldn't stop myself from wanting him. He told me that I felt that way because we were meant to be but that was probably just another lie . . . And this connection, it feels different, I trust it . . . Do you feel that way too?"

Jasper nods, unsure of what to say. In this moment he is just as clueless as her, she moves closer to him and this is the closest she's been to anyone outisde of Maria, her knee brushes against Jasper's knee.

She smells sweet, not as sweet as some humans and her smell wasn't mouth-watering but it was intoxicating. Cinnamon, he believes, which is odd and probably wrong it's been a long time since he was around cinnamon. And then citrus, she had killed a man who had basket of oranges among other fruits in his cart, he had just finished an orange shortly before Catherine had killed him. This was just the previous night, she brought the basket of oranges and various other fruits that no one had bothered to look at but she said it smelt nice so neither Beau or Jasper argued with her decision.

Catherine reaches out and touches his face, her finger trails one of the bitemarks on his jawline and then she blurts out "We should kiss."

Jasper stares at her, he's certainly not opposed to the idea but it had come out of nowhere "Why?"

"Well, this feeling could be unresolved sexual tension."

"Um," Jasper says, "I've felt that before and this is not that."

"Oh . . . Okay, I just thought because of Aris —"

"I think this is what love is supposed to feel like," Jasper says uncertainly, he had never felt that emotion before as a vampire so it could be very different.

Catherine pulls away like Jasper has burned her, she moves quickly and her elbow of the hand she extended towards him goes through the wall of the barn. She's shocked by his statement and Jasper is quick to change his words.

"Well, maybe not love . . . I mean, maybe it's pining, I'm not sure. I've never felt this way before and neither have you, it could be anything," Jasper says.

"We barely know each other," Catherine whispers, "We can't be in love."

They were definitely pining for each other, pining to know why they felt this pull and what it could mean. But, love? That was a highly unlikely answer. Now Catherine Cullen doesn't know much about love, not the romantic kind at least. She believed she loved Aristide but she didn't, she cared about him at one point and she must have tricked herself into truly believing that she loved him. Aristide never loved her, not romantically, he was obsessed with her. He said he loved her but he just felt like she belonged to him.

And her marriage was not built by romantic love, she got married at fourteen to a twenty-year-old man and the marriage was never consummated. It was only to save her from the clutches of Marcellus Cullen; her husband was a good man, her best friend and she loved him platonically. He died a year later from the plague. Romantic love was never her strong suit but she did know sex and she had since a young age, perhaps too young.

Marcellus Cullen had taken everything from her, he had cut off any chance she had at learning what love is. It was his fault that Catherine's father went on that vampire hunt and was either dead or living somewhere in the world. It was his fault that she lived a life full of poverty and hatred. He took her mother, accusing her of witchcraft shortly before Catherine's ninth birthday. And on her ninth birthday, Marcellus set her mother Elspeth Fynch aflame upon the pyre. He forced her to live in the church, and every night he would take more and more from her and even though she had brought him to his end, making him suffer as he pleaded for the mercy he never showed her, it would seem that Marcellus Cullen still took from her even from his grave. Marcellus Cullen would tell her that he loved her though he shouldn't, every night for years. And Catherine knew that was definitely not love.

"I don't think I can love," She adds, "I'm not deserving of it, Jasper, not after everything that I've been through."

"What your creator did to you, that's not your fault, you are not at fault for what others did to you," Jasper says firmly, eyes darkening, lips curling at the thought of anyone treating Catherine poorly, "My sister had her reputation ruined because a man promised to marry her and he lied. My own mother and father won't speak to her, the last I heard from her my nephew had just turned four. It wasn't her fault for what he did to her and yet she's left to deal with the consequences all on her own."

"I'm sorry about your sister but that . . . It's not the same, Jasper."

"She's paying for actions that she didn't cause and so are you. She felt the same way after, she lost everything because of that man and you lost so much time because of your creator, believing his lies he told you to get what he wanted. No, they're not the same but they're similar enough and I stand by what I said, Catherine."

Catherine smiles softly "You don't even know what happened to me."

"I don't need to know to understand that you're not to blame for the actions of somebody else . . . One day, you'll learn to think that too. Acceptance is hard to give yourself but eventually you will."

Catherine kisses him, soft and gentle, cautious. Not like she had kissed anyone before. She pulls away just as quickly as she moved forward, Jasper's eyelids had fluttered shut, his hand frozen mid reach for her arm. He opens his eyes to see her staring at him with uncertainty. His lips curl into a half smile, she just notices now that he has dimples. Catherine hesitantly smiles back at him, he places a scarred hand on her forearm and leans toward.

"Perhaps we should kiss . . . again," Jasper suggests lightly, his burgundy eyes flickering to her lips.

Catherine stares at him, waiting for him to kiss her but he doesn't, there's a pause and then Jasper asks:

"Can I kiss you, Catherine?"

Her eyes widen at the question but she nods her head, she hadn't expected him to want to kiss her. Jasper leans forward and kisses her, more gently than she had him, it surprises her. The gentleness he moves with, he was Maria's best fighter next to Beau, and yet his kiss felt almost weightless. She deepens the kiss, she doesn't know how to kiss this way, it feels strange to her, almost unreal. Almost like this is a figment of her manipulation.

His hand moves to her shoulder, pulling her forward slowly, Catherine breaks the kiss first and Jasper huffs in annoyance but he makes no move to kiss her again, he just stares at her. She tilts her head at him, he was a strange man, but she liked it. She leans forward and kisses him again, this time on the scar on his jaw line and he makes a noise of surprise and Catherine freezes. Jasper lowers his face and kisses her lips, his hand leaves her shoulder and cups her cheek.

When they finally pull apart, Jasper smiles at her, dimples more prominent this time and she feels him radiating happiness, the feeling that she feels for him, and some other feeling she had never felt before but it warmed her. It reminded her of the wool blanket that Agatha's mother had knitted her way back when she was human. A welcomed warmth to fight the years of coldness she had felt.

"I think this feeling is better than love," He says, voice as soft as velvet and Catherine finds herself inclined to agree. This was different then love, this was something she could learn to understand, this was something she yearned to understand.

**Author's Note:**

> It feels SO good to be writing for Casper again ( that is the ship name for Catherine and Jasper, no I will not accept criticism on this! ) This was originally gonna have some mild smut at the end because Catherine is not good at being romantic but the ending I had planned wasn't flowing the way I wanted to so I settled for this ending and it's not too bad in my opinion! They are not a slow burn ship, well maybe they kind of are because they don't admit slash realise they're in love for like decades but they do act like make moves on each other often,,, so I classify that as a fast burn in my opinion! But like I could be wrong, I'm not good at classifying things. Whatever they are, I hope you liked this little interaction between them!
> 
> ALSO: MARIA IS NOT A VILLAIN IN THIS because fuck smeyers for making her one.


End file.
